Skin Deep

Yesterday, Chris and I decided to forego the movie theater and went to Voorhees Town Center instead. Instead of going to Elena Wu as we originally planned, we went to Catelli Duo, the newest wine bar in the area.  I had a plain sleeveless black dress on, had no make up or accessories, and had my hair up in a bun. The only splash of color I had was my pink shoulder bag.

The place was pretty flashy and had a bunch of ex-yuppie Gen-Xers in khaki shorts and glamorously accessorized millennials my age and younger. Chris was dressed exactly like the Gen-Xers so he looked fine but I stuck out like a sore thumb. I only paid attention to Chris, the food, drinks and the bartender so I didn’t really focus on the other patrons. Chris is much more observant and told me that:

  1. People looked because I was the only Asian in the place. Not surprising since Voorhees and its surrounding towns are predominantly white.
  2. The girl behind me looked me over from head to toe and turned dismissively. I said I noticed that one but didn’t mind. I explained that pretty girls hate other pretty girls.

Humble moment. 😀

It did make me think. Have I been more relaxed about how I dress and look since my marriage? I think I used to be more OC about my appearance.

Some women at work told me that I no longer need to worry about my looks since I’m already married. I objected and said that married women have to make more effort — we’ll be the last person our husbands will ever sleep with so we shouldn’t let ourselves go. The same applies to men. I see so many men who gain 100 pounds and get massive Dad-bods after marriage and kids. I told Chris that I liked him thin. I also asked him to let me know if he thinks that I need to lose weight. He has not said anything so far and he continues to tell me how beautiful I am everyday. Personally, I think he’s biased but I do appreciate it.

Love, respect and devotion are essential in a marriage. But are looks just as important?


Auntie Janey: I will hunt you down and bitch-slap you

Jessica Zafra is nice enough to let Auntie Janey use her blog for his old-fashioned agony column. The crotchety “Janey” is a mysterious male who gives wise advice to the suffering masses. Forget Dear Abby and other mass-produced sympathetic ears.  Auntie Janey and his conservative bun rocks!

This particular post is about a woman who has endured all kinds of abuse and insults from her poor excuse for a boyfriend’s family. She has debased herself by apologizing and sticking with him. WTF!? I was raised properly, too, but if I don’t give those asshats a roundhouse kick if they dare enter my house then my parents would disown me rather than admit that they have spawned a wimp.

Sofia’s Boyfriend

My mother just informed me that my 5-year-old little sister, Sofia, has a boyfriend. And his name is Jason. We have been joking about it for a year but now it’s apparently confirmed. In between my laughing and wheezing, I told my mom about a conversation I overheard between three children: Sofia, Tobey (5) and Tophi (7). Tobey and Tophi are the sons of my friend, Rachelle, and Sofia comes over to play with them when she’s in Riyadh. They were playing Wii one afternoon and I was watching them.

From Left: Tobey, Sofia and Tophi

Tophi: I had to break-up with my girlfriend, Pamela. I found someone else.
Tobey: I don’t have a girlfriend. Do you have a boyfriend, Sofi?
Sofia: Yes. His name is Jason. He kissed me on my birthday.
Tobey: Oh.

Two weeks later, I asked Tobey if he still had a crush on my sister. He wrinkled his little nose and answered, “Not anymore! She has a boyfriend.”

What is it with little kids these days? Hahaha. When I was 5, all I could think of was playing Mary in the school Christmas Pageant, playing outside, and watching Sesame Street and Batibot. Mom said (jokingly, of course) that she might have to move Sofia to another school next year in case Jason decides that they’re old enough to hold hands.

But then my 20-year old bro is still single. Ouch. 😀 Don’t worry, Jiko, I was a late bloomer, too. I started dating at 22. *covers face*

On Cluelessness and Guidelines

How can the smartest women be so clueless sometimes?!

I did not say stupid, because they’re never stupid. Cluelessness means being stuck in a moment where one does not know what to do and ends up doing something that seems or feels right but is not and in reality is really ridiculously… stupid.


I refuse to cite examples because I can’t divulge secrets that aren’t mine to share. But I’m no hypocrite and you can definitely add me to that list because I’ve been there before (Clueless Girls in History, #7462453) . But things would go a lot easier if most men would just stop being giant, walking jerks.

I’m no dating expert, but if you snorted while reading Malu Fernandez’ dating tips for girls, then here’s another version. Made especially for the other half of the population. 🙂

  1. Even if it’s just the first meeting, be honest. It isn’t so hard, and it doesn’t take as much energy as concocting incredible lies. Just tell her if you’re married, engaged, attached… whatever. Hiding things will make things worse for you. Don’t think that we don’t notice it when after three hours and endless discussions about your career and friends, you still don’t mention the words “wife”, “girlfriend”, or “children”.

    Single men make good-natured jokes about exes or their unattached status; taken men avoid the topic like the plague.

  2. Try to avoid being so gutless. The past century saw the improvement of women’s rights and the movements towards gender equality in our society. But it doesn’t give a license for zero courage. Be romantic if you want to, but don’t settle for making endless hints and driving her crazy by trying to second guess you. There is no substitute for being direct.

    We sympathize with your position and we do understand that rejection, no matter how minor, can hurt. But stop playing so safe! A lot of guys wait for a definite sign before having the courage to tell a girl that he likes her. But what if the woman is the conservative type? Will you keep on avoiding direct admission so just in case she says she’s not interested, you can say you’ve always wanted to be “just friends” anyway?

  3. Please, try not to cheat. But I don’t really have to say this. Unfortunately, it happens all the time.

    And if you do find yourself in a situation where you find your affections directed not just towards one but two or more women, then I can only advise you to (a) move to Utah and hope that there’s still a cult that encourages polygamy, (b) convert to a religion where you can legally have four wives but make sure you can afford it, or (c) CHOOSE one girl you dimwit! You can’t enjoy the advantages of having them both. Don’t forget that each deserves faithfulness and respect.

  4. Don’t promise anything you’re not prepared to give. She’ll remember those even after 50 years.
  5. Don’t make her pay on the first date! If you don’t have enough for two lattes and muffins then don’t even bother to ask.

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