Pipe Dreaming

The Mega Millions prize is up to 540 million dollars. So far, it holds the world record as the highest lottery jackpot ever! So… What Would Jesus Do?

Probably buy a gadzillion tickets and spread the wealth to the multitude so no one would go hungry again.

But Chris and I have different plans. We both agreed that we would rather choose the lump sum than the annuity. The discussion included distribution to family members and close friends. Then it moved to investing. I wanted to have a Scrooge McDuck-inspired white tower with a sea of golden one dollar coins so I could don my bikini and jump straight into the $$$ — but this got shot down, dagnabbit! Eventually, we settled on these:

  • We’d hire a finance attorney before we even collect the cash.
  • Write a will.
  • Both sets of parents would get 5 million each.
  • All siblings would get 5 million each — that’s Crystal, Kelly, Jiko and Sofia.
  • My grandparents would get a million. They’re both octogenarians and all their kids are self-supporting adults so the money is theirs and theirs alone.
  • A handful of close friends would get 50 thousand each.
  • Chris’ nephew Jay would have an all-expense paid first class honeymoon plus a 25 thousand dollar check for the wedding.
  • Other relatives might or might not get something. It depends on how much we like them. 😉
  • I’d quit my job and we’d move to the most beautiful seaside town in the Philippines, which would probably be in Palawan.
  • I would set up a restaurant/bakery business with my Mom, Chris would oversee the adjoining bar so he can be surrounded by yummy drinks and socialize all day.
  • We’d move to a medium-sized rancher cottage-ish place with a lot of land surrounded by a gate to keep the crazies away.
  • We’d still live like normal human beings — no McMansions!
  • We’d raise our kids the way we always wanted to: they won’t get spoiled, they pay for their first jalopy, and their student loans should be under their name. Children need the basics plus a little more for comfort. Anything extra will turn them into Nicole Richie.
  • We’d travel a lot and see all the places we want to see.
  • The rest of the money will be in saving accounts, we’d live off the interest, and a fraction will be invested in stocks and bonds.
  • Our chihuahuas would get collars with diamond blings.

And then there’s this part:

Chris: We should buy our own jet plane.
Me: No. We’ll fly first class.
Chris: Why do that if we can own?
Me: Convenience! That’s what commercial airlines are made for. Why worry about logistics and expenses related to private planes when we can just walk to the counter, buy tickets, and fly.

I may have lost my Scrooge tower, but at least I won that argument.


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