The offended party should never apologize.

Another  wise peice of advice from our favorite Auntie Janey:

Auntie Janey’s Old Fashioned Agony Column #35:
The Husband of Your Close Friend

When I first read this, I thought about how stupid the letter-writer is. It’s okay when people are friends whether they’re male or female, married or unmarried. If the circle of friends is tight enough and both parties socialize with each other, then it is unavoidable for one wife to see and talk to the other’s husband without the presence of their respective spouses.

What’s unacceptable is when the other starts flirting. You’re married so stop it. And this is your wife’s/husband’s friend for f***’s sake so don’t even think about it. Online chatting can be very personal because it is secretive — no one else can see or hear your conversation. This is vastly different to meeting in a supermarket and talking about your work, children, blah blah, etc. It’s easy for a single person to dismiss online flirtations but you start thinking more carefully when you’re in a committed relationship especially when you are married.

In short, I think the letter writer is quite stupid for letting things come to this point and that she has no spine if she can’t even put her friend’s flirtatious husband down and control the conversation.

By the way, I love this part:

…when she accuses you, you should vehemently deny it. Chances are, she will not believe you. You will have to be firm in your denial and you must assume an unapologetic stance. Be genuinely indignant if you can manage it. You must tell yourself that you are the victim here and dammit, you will not cower before this woman who has wrongfully accused you. This will be the point at which your ties with her will be severed. It is not your responsibility to protect your friend’s marriage. You have a reputation, a life, and a marriage of your own.

Do not grovel and declare that you still want to be friends. The offended party should never apologize. This is the moment in your life that you have to be extremely selfish. Your reputation is at stake. You need to make a preemptive strike. Gossip can assume the color of truth if told repeatedly over time.

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One thought on “The offended party should never apologize.

  1. Sounds like my ex wrote that babe. Thus why she is an ex. Completely worthless. Its the Adolf Hitler theory – tell a big enough lie no matter how bad it is or a crock of crap it is long enough and ppl will believe it. And why, because most are naive and will believe anything if told it over and over again. Worried about a rep?! WGAF! First off your right honey, that person should of killed it quick before it got to that point. And the reason that it got to that point is that both ppl actually feel that way a bit. Use logic it works better. Using opinions for what another should do is well extremely faulty at best. I agree with you babe.

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