Don’t you hate it when you realize that you might have inadvertently offended someone because of something you said casually? Yet you’re not sure if they really are offended. So though you want to apologize, it might be weird to do so in case the person is not offended and you’ll come out sounding like a care bear. So you’re waiting for them to say “Hey, I’m offended by your biatchiness” so you can breathe in relief and sincerely apologize for being tactless. And yet they don’t say anything and you wait, and wait, and wait feeling agonized whenever you see them.
It’s easier with friends because one can be honest with them. But if it’s just an acquaintance or colleague, it can be slightly harder.
Like the father and son duo who owns a donkey (courtesy of Aesop), I’ve learned in my life that you can’t go around apologizing to everyone all the time. However, there are moments when I feel like I shouldn’t have said something a second too late.
Maybe I should just stop talking. (Yeah, right. Pfft.)
Speaking of tactlessness, I once mused about living with my forgetfulness. 😛 My so-called selective amnesia can sometimes be funny, inconvenient, annoying or downright embarrassing depending on the situation. If I was a consummate liar, I would never succeed because lies would have to be based on other lies and built on top of each other like a LEGO skyscraper. One has to remember the complete chain of fake information so one can stick to it and get away with it. I can never remember them so I decided to be honest about my life. Even if it’s something weird or something that my Asian friends and acquaintances would deem too liberal, I’m okay with just saying it. If they can’t accept me for who I am then I’m not interested in being more than a passing acquaintance.
I don’t have the time to build an image of the conservative, mayumi Filipina girl when I’m so obviously not. It’s false advertising!
This is why I get confuzzled when someone tries to maintain this and hide something that seems so ordinary. If they have something that could mar their so-called good girl image, they go to great lengths to hide it from others. Like having a boyfriend who might not exactly be:
- has a perfect family back ground
- has all the appropriate hobbies
- has no embarrassing habits
- and — most important of all — rich or at least comfortably liquid
So what if he has a ripe boil beside his nose? Or if he’s a socially-inept nerd who thinks vanilla ice cream is risque? Or if he lisps like Dr. Frankenstein’s Igor? Or if his salary doesn’t reach your ideal quota? If you earn enough to buy what you want, then why worry if he can’t afford to buy you a Marc Jacobs dress? If the love is mutual, he worships the ground you walk on, he doesn’t do or sell drugs, he doesn’t kill people for fun or for money, he doesn’t beat women and rape little children, he’s not an obsessive stalker, he doesn’t like Nickelback, and he’s not a jerk like 80% of men are, then be proud of him!
No one is perfect anyway so the best you can do is have the next best thing. Don’t bother to hide it just because you think your friends would not approve. Remember that your friends won’t have to live with him, you will. You’ll be surprised with how supportive friends can be even when you don’t expect it.
How does this relate to tactlessness? Well, I am forgetful. And I usually forget that the said boyfriend is deemed by his girlfriend to be socially inappropriate for the stupidest reasons. I casually mention him in passing during a group get-together and said girlfriend ends up getting mad at me for ruining her perfect image. *rolls eyes* The only deep dark secrets I remember to hide are those that will wreck your life if its gets out. That’s common sense. If it’s something like the above-mentioned situation that is purely caused by social OCD, then expect that I will forget your silliness.
But people are different. And if that’s how they roll, then I’m prepared to take the consequences of my accidental slip.
Okay, maybe there are exceptions. It is perfectly reasonable to deny his existence if he plays World of Warcraft.