No Pressure!

I don’t understand why so many of my fellow single, 20 (or 30)-something women want to get married ASAP. They say they feel pressure from their family/friends/coworkers because they’re not married yet. You know what, you should stop thinking about what people think you should do with your life and start enjoying it!

No, really, I don’t get the pressure. I love being a single woman because it’s fun! You get to do all these fab things:

  • Your income is yours. Sure, you may contribute to the family, give a few thousand bucks to Mom and Dad each month. But, still, it’s largely yours. This way, you get to buy what you want when you want it (e.g. clothes, shoes, bags, books, electronics). When you get married and have a family, your income will no longer be fully yours because you have to think of the kids. And you can’t get that 2nd generation iPad because there are household bills to pay.
  • It’s not just money. Your time also belongs to you. Isn’t it liberating to know that you can do what you want/need when you want to? Who cares if it’s a weeknight? You can go to your coworker’s cousin’s party and get smooshed because you don’t have to help an 8-year-old with his assignments.
  • When you’re really tired after work, you can spend a nice, quiet weekend by yourself. You can opt not to take a shower without worrying if someone will notice. Maybe cook and eat something sinful, read the book you’ve always wanted to read, ponder on the existence of Man and why Mrs. Robinson insists on stuffing a size 16 ass into size 12 slacks, and watch Clueless for the first time in ages because you missed it. When you’re married, even if you do get some alone-time, you’ll never be fully alone.
  • You get to go out and spend a night out (or in) with friends without having to report to someone or follow adult-curfew. And you don’t have to go home to your husband and children if you don’t want to! Sleepovers aren’t only for little girls.
  • Related to the previous point, you can work overtime anytime your work needs you to without disappointing a husband or explaining that you really are working and not having a secret affair with someone.
  • If you can’t cook or clean or do domestic miracles, nobody thinks you’re a “bad wife”. Pulling the “busy” or “single” cards always work.
  • When you gain weight, it’s not because you got pregnant. It’s probably because you did the rounds of the best restaurants in the city (or abroad) and your body just reflects the pleasure you got from food-tripping. You can easily lose that weight and because you can spend your evenings in the gym instead of bottle-feeding a baby.

All of the above sounds like I don’t want to get married. I do. 🙂 But I’m doing it with the full knowledge that I’m getting hitched for the right reasons and not because I think I’m getting up there in age and this guy might be my last chance, or my friends are getting married and I feel so out of place, or my little sister already has 3 kids and my parents are very disappointed in my lack of ability to catch a guy, etc. It just happened to be the right time for me.

I’ve heard the term single-blessesness from women who seem resigned to the fact that they will never get married or have children of their own. They say perhaps it’s what God planned for them. There’s some bitterness attached to the tone whenever someone says it, as if it’s not what they really want but they use it to avoid that odious term: old maid. You know what, no one is an old maid. I’ve known people who are 60 and physically unattractive but still find happiness with a partner late in life. Sometimes, it’s just not your time.

And single-blessedness shouldn’t be used as a disappointing term. All singles are blessed because you enjoy a certain freedom that married people don’t have. And that time could be limited.

Single girls, enjoy what you have! You may not have it for long. 😉

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7 thoughts on “No Pressure!

  1. Thanks Steffi! I’ve been telling these to my sis pero wala eh, ayaw maniwala. I loved being single lalo na with friends like you guys! I enjoyed every moment of it and I still do. Missing it all already too! :”(

    There’s more to marriage than lovey dovey kaya dapat lang ienjoy ang pagiging single at hindi mainggit sa mga nagaasawa so that you won’t regret one day of not having the best single life ever!

    • Glad you agree. Take it from someone who knows what she’s talking about. ^__^

      I really love our bonding moments when it’s just us girls… even the simple things like lounging on the couch for the whole day just watching CSI, chatting and eating junk food. Or Breakfast Thursdays. 😀 While we’ll still do all of those even after we get married (or “got married” in your case), we won’t do it as much because there’s a family to take care of.

  2. Haaaaay. So agree with you on the pressure from the relatives. I’ve told you about the dreaded gaisiao right? And they don’t seem to understand why I keep refusing to keep seeing all those “nice, eligible, and (sometimes) RICH boys”. It’s so sad when you realize that for these well-meaning relatives who keep pushing guys at you, their most important criterion is material. They don’t even care that you can’t even muster up the tiniest bit of respect for a lot of these guys because they’re DULL, DULL, DULL. Nope, personality and common interests don’t matter as long as they know how to make money.

    Single blessedness. LOL. Absolutely nothing wrong with being single, and I don’t see why I’d need to make excuses for my single state. It’s nobody’s business but my own after all. And much as I believe in God’s will, this is one area where I won’t be citing it. Being single is a *choice*. It means you don’t want to compromise on your standards, and if for less discriminating people it means that “you just have high standards”, then so be it.

    • There’s absolutely nothing wrong with having high standards! What kind of women would we be if we didn’t? 😀 People just have different ideas of what our standards should be. For a lot, oodles of money is the most important. But you clearly value intelligence and an interesting personality over that.

      Sure, there are criteria than can be compromised. But the most important parts that really matter to you should stand. You’re lucky for knowing what you’re looking for and for having the sense not to settle for less. 🙂

  3. Oo nga noh?! CSI marathon! waahahahaha =) naalala ko yun. kahit married na you still NEED to be in contact with your friends. you need to keep yourself sane especially kapag dumating na ang mga kids. it is also part of having time for yourself.

    remember you can only make your spouse happy, if you are happy too! i tell that to jeff… that some things that i do are for my “kalalagayayan!” (slang ni jeff, pero kaligayahan yun in true Filipino terms). 😉

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