I am a: Chainsmoker (20 positives)
Let’s find out just how dependent we all are on technology. I’m sure the answer will actually scare you. Go through the following questions (adding commentary if you like) and see how many yes responses you have. Then go to the scale on the bottom and put your answer at the top. Tag all those that you think might be interested to know that you have a problem.
(List courtesy of “You Addicted to Technology?” on Gizmodo)
1. Do you eat most of your meals while at the computer or in front of the television?
Oh gads, yes. Two at work (except when I’m in a meeting) and one at home.
2. Do you sometimes bring your laptop when you sit on the toilet?
Hahaha! Never! I bring a book or play Bubble Popper. *TMI*
3. Do you check your feeds more than 1x per hour?
4. Do you make a nervous habit out of refreshing your inbox over and over, just in case someone emailed you in the last 45 seconds?
No. I check it per hour at work or as needed. At home, maybe 2x a day.
5. Can you not remember the last time you didn’t check online reviews before eating at a new restaurant?
I never check online reviews for restos. I ask friends for their reviews. 🙂
6. Do you freak out if you’re in a car and there’s no GPS?
I don’t even know what a GPS looks like.
7. Does the verb “tweet” come up regularly in your real-life conversations?
I use Twitter occasionally. But use the word “tweet” while talking to me and I will beat you to death with my laptop.
8. Have you ever changed vacation plans based on wi-fi availability?
9. Are there more than two portable electronic devices within reach right now?
10. If your house were on fire, would you run in to rescue your laptop?
Yes, of course! I can carry my baby sister and laptop at the same time.
11. Are you closer with some online-only friends than people you actually see in real life?
No. I’ve very close to my real life friends. But I’m also close to a few online friends who will soon be my real life friends. 🙂
12. Are you pretty sure you’d have killed yourself if you lived in the days before Internet?
I love reading so I would’ve survived quite well, even without TV.
13. Do you buy things online that you could easily drive across town to get in person?
I don’t buy things online except for favor points (for games).
14. Do “electronics” have their own category in your monthly budget?
No. Yearly budget, yes.
15. Are you a member of any sort of online “guild?”
I’m in “families” if that counts.
16. Do you answer questions in support forums when you’re bored?
Not anymore. 🙂
17. Do you bring your smartphone with you to church?
I turn my phone off during Mass.
18. Do you own 3 or more video gaming systems? (Oh come on, portables count.)
19. Do you have multiple t-shirts with references to Internet memes, linux, or webcomics?
No. Though I really want the LMAO shirt.
20. Do you know what the word “meme” means, for that matter?
21. Has your significant other (or mom, if applicable) ever banned you from your smartphone?
No. My family foists technology on me. My recent and only “nice” phone is a present from my father as I always used to buy cutesy but basic call-and-text phones for myself.
22. Do you spend more time on Facebook than you do in the presence of actual people?
No. I spend more time working.
23. Are you currently in a virtual relationship? (WOW, Second Life, etc)
24. Do you have 3 or more active social media accounts?
Yes. Back during the Renaissance when I was still with my other ex, we used to like making accounts everywhere and showing off our “couple” pics on our individual profiles. I think I still have an account with a forgotten password somewhere with a picture of me and that ex smiling.
25. When something happens in your life, is your first thought usually “How can I fit this into 140 characters?”
26. Do you need multiple wall outlets to charge all your stuff at night?
27. When you sit down in a coffee shop, do you tend to position yourself close to a power outlet “just in case”?
I bring a friend. Or in the absence of one a (1) book, or (2) a boyfriend.
28. Do you generally spend most of your day looking at a computer screen and then go home… only to look at a computer screen for the rest of the night?
29. Have phrases like “BRB” and “ROFL” worked their way into your real vocabulary?
30. Do you often skip meals because you’ve lost track of time in front of the computer?
No. I can’t skip meals. I take medication.
31. Do you call people by their screen names when you see them in real life?
Yes. I got this note from Bells (Bouna Bella) who is really named Danielle. But I never call her Danielle. 😀
32. Do you have more than five tabs open in your browser right now?
Yes. Multiple browsers, too.
33. Are there more than three screens of some kind in the room you’re in right now?
34. Are there more computers in your house than there are people?
35. Do you tweet or read blogs while watching movies at home?
36. Do you put your phone on vibrate at the movie theater rather than turn it off, even though you’re not expecting anything important?
Yes. Statistics prove that emergencies occur more often when your phone is turned off.
37. Have you ever turned down a romantic encounter in order to play video games?
Yes. 😀 But that means he is not or no longer worth the time.
38. Does your Internet usage cut into the time you should be spending on personal hygiene?
Noooo. This reminds me of a story a friend told me once, that he knew someone who was so addicted to computers, he would pee on plastic bags instead of going to the bathroom.
39. When you see the last names Cerf, Otellini, Ballmer and Berners-Lee, do you know who is being mentioned?
40. Do you ever leave your laptop open in social settings, even though you aren’t actually doing anything on it?
A few times *guity*. But not anymore unless we use it play music or watch a video.
41. Have you ever had a dream where you were surfing the Internet?
42. Can you type text messages faster than you can handwrite the same words?
I text as fast as I write. But I’m afraid I type much faster with a keyboard.
43. Have you ever left an event or date early so you could get online?
44. Would you classify yourself as an “expert” multitasker?
I can’t multitask very well. I know, it’s weird for a female.
45. Can you read machine code?
Does html and css count?
46. Do you regularly have to put blocks of ice, portable fans, or frozen packages of hash browns on or near your computer to keep it cool?
No. It’s already cold here!
47. Do you have carpal tunnel syndrome?
48. Do you keep multiple webcams around your house?
No. Just one built in for each notebook.
49. Are you up on the computer past 3am at least once a week?
50. Did you make it all the way to the end of this quiz?
0-1: Clean as a Whistle – You are either 95 years old, or you lie compulsively to make yourself feel better about your internet addiction. Sorry to call you out like that.
2-9: Social Drinker – You’re not great with technology, but dabble. You probably play sports and actually have a significant other. Either that or you’ve recently been released from Internet rehab and haven’t slipped back to the old ways yet.
10-19: Coffee Fiend – You’re about as plugged in as the next person—but you gotta have your daily fix. Let’s face it, gadgets are everywhere nowadays, right? That’s what you tell yourself at least, but what you don’t know is everyone calls you “nerd breath” behind your back.
20-29: Chainsmoker – You recognize that you’re a little too plugged in, and you’re trying to quit. Your tech addictions are starting to ruin your social interactions, between signing out of the real world every 10 seconds and stinking up the room when you enter. Take this as your cue to shower.
30-39: Pothead – You’re addicted, but you have no desire to quit. There’s a box of Ho Hos on the desk, and you had to brush Cheeto dust off the keyboard to log into your computer, which you keep password protected with heavy encryption. You hurried through this quiz because your guild is waiting for you in the other window. You really should consider counseling.
40-49: Crackhead – You get all shaky when you think about technology, always searching for your next fix. You’ve considered constructing a biotech bathtub for your body to lie in, so you can plug your consciousness permanently into the Internet. Family members are planning to stage an intervention and check you into a clinic. You look forward to the shock therapy.
50: Permafried – There’s no higher brain activity going on anymore. Doctors should prescribe you video games and/or marijuana for medicinal purposes. Just to keep you from flat lining.