No, I am not pregnant. Immaculate Conception has not happened in more than 2000 years and I doubt if I’m going to be the next (un)holy mother. But this is probably the fourth month I’ve skipped. I’m not really counting but I feel hormonal 24/7 and I can’t wait to just get it over with. I feel sorry for Jill, Ren, Rae & Sof because they have to listen to my PMS-ish rant. : )
I skipped work yesterday. I told them I had dysmenorrhea which was obviously a lie since I’ve never had menstrual cramps since I was 11, and I don’t even have a period! The truth is, I just had a bad night, I didn’t sleep well, and I’m pissed that I’ve been working my ass off for the past three months and my contract hasn’t been finalized yet.
After we complained about our respective countries, politics and terrorism, I told Jill about a dream I had the other night. She used to do dream translation and had an interesting interpretation of what it might have meant.
I brought Chris to my aunt’s house in Pangasinan. The house stands on the lot where my grandparents’ house used to be, and I always visited every holiday. I have happy childhood memories of that place, my relatives who live there and especially my aunt who was just a little older than me. Sadly, she died when she was just 29 and I couldn’t (didn’t) return after that.
In the dream, my whole family went for a visit and Chris came with us. The 2nd floor of the house is just one big room. We all slept there on old wooden beds with no mattresses.
Nothing happened. We were just there, and it was night. The focus of the dream was not the setting or the events, not even me. In it, I was sharply aware of how Chris felt about the place, how the rural setting and everything–the sounds, sights, the people–were so new to him. And when I fell asleep, I woke up in the real world.
Jill told me that any house represents one’s inner self. And that my bringing Chris to a place that meant a lot to me and my awareness of his perceptions might mean that I wish to reveal something important about myself to him.
I told her that she might be right. He has been very honest with me and I think that I learned more about him than he has learned about me. I wish to be more forthcoming, more candid… but the distance makes it difficult for me to truly open up. It will get better, especially after we get this distance thing sorted out. 🙂