How can the smartest women be so clueless sometimes?!
I did not say stupid, because they’re never stupid. Cluelessness means being stuck in a moment where one does not know what to do and ends up doing something that seems or feels right but is not and in reality is really ridiculously… stupid.
I refuse to cite examples because I can’t divulge secrets that aren’t mine to share. But I’m no hypocrite and you can definitely add me to that list because I’ve been there before (Clueless Girls in History, #7462453) . But things would go a lot easier if most men would just stop being giant, walking jerks.
I’m no dating expert, but if you snorted while reading Malu Fernandez’ dating tips for girls, then here’s another version. Made especially for the other half of the population. 🙂
- Even if it’s just the first meeting, be honest. It isn’t so hard, and it doesn’t take as much energy as concocting incredible lies. Just tell her if you’re married, engaged, attached… whatever. Hiding things will make things worse for you. Don’t think that we don’t notice it when after three hours and endless discussions about your career and friends, you still don’t mention the words “wife”, “girlfriend”, or “children”.
Single men make good-natured jokes about exes or their unattached status; taken men avoid the topic like the plague.
- Try to avoid being so gutless. The past century saw the improvement of women’s rights and the movements towards gender equality in our society. But it doesn’t give a license for zero courage. Be romantic if you want to, but don’t settle for making endless hints and driving her crazy by trying to second guess you. There is no substitute for being direct.
We sympathize with your position and we do understand that rejection, no matter how minor, can hurt. But stop playing so safe! A lot of guys wait for a definite sign before having the courage to tell a girl that he likes her. But what if the woman is the conservative type? Will you keep on avoiding direct admission so just in case she says she’s not interested, you can say you’ve always wanted to be “just friends” anyway?
- Please, try not to cheat. But I don’t really have to say this. Unfortunately, it happens all the time.
And if you do find yourself in a situation where you find your affections directed not just towards one but two or more women, then I can only advise you to (a) move to Utah and hope that there’s still a cult that encourages polygamy, (b) convert to a religion where you can legally have four wives but make sure you can afford it, or (c) CHOOSE one girl you dimwit! You can’t enjoy the advantages of having them both. Don’t forget that each deserves faithfulness and respect.
- Don’t promise anything you’re not prepared to give. She’ll remember those even after 50 years.
- Don’t make her pay on the first date! If you don’t have enough for two lattes and muffins then don’t even bother to ask.