I think this virtue is rarely applauded these days. After all, to attain full sluthood, one has to spend years to develop one’s confidence, self-esteem, and invest enough $$$ in aesthetic technology so you know that when your eyes meet across a crowded room and you move stealthily, sidling up close to that hot stranger to say “Hey Baby“, the said stranger won’t curl his/her lips in disgust.
So, as a tribute to this learned asset, here’s my list of the top five sluts that nature managed to cough out. In random order:
- Dogs. I owned a few female dogs in my lifetime and they have never been shy about coming home pregnant after several nights out without permission. In their teenage years, too. Tsk.
- Trees. Pollination. Seasonal fruits. These guys will indiscriminately fertilize anyone within wind-blowing distance.
- Molecules. They just can’t stop fusing together! Especially that shameless oxygen molecule. But we have to be grateful they were raised that way or else we won’t have Evian water.
- Starbucks. All coffee shops are seductively designed with suggestive shapes (note the lamps, bins, and other accessories). They are the industrialized symbols of high-class escorts, cheerfully overcharging you with a smile. Aside from the heady coffee scent, Starbucks has a mysterious appeal that ensnares people of all ages and cultures to enter, sit, and congregate in its womb.
- Loacker wafers. Those polygamous heathens! All quadratini wafers come out automatically united… and not just two but five at a time! They are the old-school harems of snacks, using the flavoring filling as their excuse for a dogma. The package on my desk says they’re made in Southern Italy, but I’m too wise to be fooled. Surely, they must have originated from Utah.
I need to stop reading Dave Barry.