Sluthood 101

I think this virtue is rarely applauded these days. After all, to attain full sluthood, one has to spend years to develop one’s confidence, self-esteem, and invest enough $$$ in aesthetic technology so you know that when your eyes meet across a crowded room and you move stealthily, sidling up close to that hot stranger to say “Hey Baby“, the said stranger won’t curl his/her lips in disgust.

So, as a tribute to this learned asset, here’s my list of the top five sluts that nature managed to cough out. In random order:

  1. Dogs. I owned a few female dogs in my lifetime and they have never been shy about coming home pregnant after several nights out without permission. In their teenage years, too. Tsk.
  2. Trees. Pollination. Seasonal fruits. These guys will indiscriminately fertilize anyone within wind-blowing distance.
  3. Molecules. They just can’t stop fusing together! Especially that shameless oxygen molecule. But we have to be grateful they were raised that way or else we won’t have Evian water.
  4. Starbucks. All coffee shops are seductively designed with suggestive shapes (note the lamps, bins, and other accessories). They are the industrialized symbols of high-class escorts, cheerfully overcharging you with a smile. Aside from the heady coffee scent, Starbucks has a mysterious appeal that ensnares people of all ages and cultures to enter, sit, and congregate in its womb.
  5. Loacker wafers. Those polygamous heathens! All quadratini wafers come out automatically united… and not just two but five at a time! They are the old-school harems of snacks, using the flavoring filling as their excuse for a dogma. The package on my desk says they’re made in Southern Italy, but I’m too wise to be fooled. Surely, they must have originated from Utah.

I need to stop reading Dave Barry.


2 thoughts on “Sluthood 101

  1. you forgt the best of ’em all—

    CATS, they’re never shy when they purr. just one meow and you know what they’re up to.


  2. mitsuru: ahaha! yesss… too bad i’ve never had any experiences with cats. but i heard they’re quite the experts with pheromone triggers.

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