Waterbra vs. Wonderbra

I’m starting to work out regularly again. I never used to go to the gym; I just jogged or took pilates classes. But this time, I figured that I may as well use up my down time for, er, firming up. I just turned 24 and my magic-elastic phase won’t last long considering I eat like a pro-basketball player for a self-confessed expert loafer.

And just because he might freak out if he reads this, I’m calling this guy “boy” just so I could post our highly informative conversation.

boy: do i really come across that stern?

me: not stern. the word is apathetic.

boy: apathetic?!

me: lol. yeah or “robotic”. that’s what the medicine girls say. 🙂 they have this urge to check your back for the controls.

boy: gee you’re full of compliments today.

me: hahaha

boy: i tend to daydream when i’m walking along on my own

me: well, you could try walking down the corridor with a swing. sway your hips a little. cross your footsteps. LOL. i could teach you.

boy: LOL. toss my hair.

me: yes. flick your imaginary hair from your shoulders every five mins.

boy: put my shoulders back to make my boobs look bigger when a cute guy passes.

me: wear a wonderbra. oh wait!

boy: implants!

me: wonderbras are passe. wear a waterbra. they feel soft, and bounce naturally.
just don’t let anyone with a pin near you or you’ll be sprinkling the corridor.

boy: this is one weird conversation

me: i have that sickness. to turn any normal convos into weird ones.

boy: lol

me: earlier, one of my guy friends was telling me a joke about guys who become overweight. about, er… (you probably know this) the assumed loss of assets. and instead of laughing, i asked him if it was statistically proven. like is there an average number of inches lost in a span of a five-ten year weight gain?

boy: ok you’re gonna have to spell it out for me – i’m too innocent… loss of assets?

boy: oh. er serious?

me: i don’t believe in bashing fat guys

boy: hm

me: or in encouraging any unproven assumptions. i could be their lawyer. we could file class action suits.

boy: ok stop now, or i’ll start to blush at the weirdness. so.. let’s talk about something more interesting. liiike… me.

boy: for example. what is it about my pic on facebook that makes them think that i’m not a miserable old robot? maybe i am.

me: your clothes. the colors match.

boy: yah dull dreary

me: it tells everyone that you’re not some geeky fart who dreams robotic dreams in the hallway. you actually read THE SARTORIALIST.

boy: ‘some geeky fart? i am insulted. lol. but fat lot of good it does for my dress sense

me: don’t say dull or dreary. say “understated” or “subtle”. i mean… other men may say khaki but you can say ecru, desert, or sand-toned.

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One thought on “Waterbra vs. Wonderbra

  1. Pingback: Change | Karma & Apollo

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