Why Lord Voldemort is my soulmate

25

Aug

I’ve always been partial to the villain in most movies and books that I like. Why?

1. Because most villains are geniuses. If not, they’re just really, really smart.
2. Because a lot of them have money. How else would they finance their dark-lording and lives of crime? If they don’t have lots of personal wealth, then they’re geniuses when it comes to making rich people part with their personal wealth.
3. Because they’re HOT.

Reason Number Three is my favorite. But I can’t possibly let you take my word for it. So, to further test my theories, here are:

EXHIBIT #1: Lucius and Draco Malfoy (Harry Potter films)

This father and son tandem is the epitome of blond prettiness. The Malfoy Manor must be burning with their combined hotness. Okay, so they might not be the worst villains ever, so let’s move to…

EXHIBIT #2: Lord Voldemort (Harry Potter films)

Played by Ralph Fiennes. Dee-lish. Need I say more? And if you’ve ever seen The End of the Affair I wouldn’t even have to make my point here. The megalomania makes up for half of the appeal. I admit that he does look a bit freaky without the nose when he was brought back to life but that can be fixed by a quick 50,000PHP visit to Dr. Belo’s clinic. This is him as a young Tom Riddle (played by Christian Coulson):

Just to compare, here’s Harry Potter:

Now, Daniel, we know you have an ultra-fantastic bod because you took off everything in Equus. But I’d still go to jail if I kissed you, and age and experience win every time.

EXHIBIT # 3: Sean Ambrose (Mission Impossible II)

Dougray Scott played Sean Ambrose in Mission Impossible II. This movie was a farce, and I spent most of it laughing every time Tom Cruise flicked his hair. All the scenes were about his hair dagnabbit! And you could even see the manic glow of an overly zealous scientologist (poor Katie Holmes).

At least the bad guy was someone we could actually take seriously.

EXHIBIT # 4: Cal Hockley (Titanic)

The ocean was the real bad guy here, but Cal (played by Billy Zane) came a close second. Look, Rose, I know you and Jack probably had a mind-blowing healthy physical activity in that car (😀) but Cal is rich, gorgeous, he’s crazy about you, and he gave you a HUGE diamond necklace. What else can a girl want? Call me shallow but what does Jack have to offer other than his signature puppy dog cuteness?

I can only remember one movie protagonist whom I actually liked. No, scratch that. I love him. I crush him. He loves his mom, he’s hardworking, he’s a good role model, and he’s totally unselfish. And I told my parents that I wanted to marry someone exactly like him.

EXHIBIT # 5:

Yup, it’s Jesus Christ.

I fangirl Jim Caviezel. 🙂

17 years ago Short URL 5 Comments