Hi, I’m Steffi. And I am a shameless Sarah Dunant addict.

I’ve been awake since midnight doing… all sorts of stuff. I know I should sleep since I feel like I had mammogram exercises* for a week but I just can’t sleep after my involuntary nap. (translation: laying on the bed in office gear and full make-up and valiantly losing the battle to stay awake in spite of reading an Animorphs book.)

I’m happily looking at my new closet. It’s nothing fancy, just a simple, blue zip-up. I’m the type who refuses to buy any new furniture because I don’t want to be too attached to anything I have since I do plan to leave the country before I turn 25 with just a backpack, all my nice clothes, and my electric toothbrush. However, I was forced to buy this particular item. My wardrobe has quadrupled in volume over the past two years and my parents are tired of seeing my clothes “squatting” in their cabinets.

My room used to be the living room. Now it’s just Steffi’s room that looks slightly like a living room with a bed that must be feeling really self-conscious. After I moved the couches to make room for my stuff, Jiko solved the problem of where-to-put-the-damned-closet by placing it on the study table. Perfect! I can even tolerate having to stand on a chair everytime I dress.

My eyeballs hurt and my bones are melting beneath my skin. I don’t exactly feel like Fiammetta Bianchini at the moment, so please excuse this pointless post.

I just wanted to say that I recently gave my blessing to my first ex-boyfriend’s new relationship and he told me that it meant so much to him. No, I’m not being sarcastic (for once *lol*), I really did mean it. You could call us quasi-friends now. It helps that I don’t feel anything anymore even if you force fed all our letters and photographs right now. I haven’t felt anything for a long time. Strange, love really does disappear.

=== === ===

* Mammogram Exercises

Many women are afraid of their first mammogram, but there is no need to worry. By taking a few minutes each day for a week preceding the exam and doing the following exercises, you will be totally prepared for the test and best of all, you can do these simple exercises right in and around your home.

EXERCISE ONE:
Open your refrigerator door and insert one breast in door. Shut the door as hard as possible and lean on the door for good measure.
Hold that position for five seconds. Repeat again in case the first time wasn’t effective enough.

EXERCISE TWO:
Visit your garage at 3AM when the temperature of the cement floor is just perfect. Take off all your clothes and lie comfortably on the floor with one breast wedged under the rear tire of the car. Ask a friend to slowly back the car up until your breast is sufficiently flattened and chilled. Turn over and repeat with the other breast.

EXERCISE THREE:
Freeze two metal bookends overnight. Strip to the waist. Invite a stranger into the room. Press the bookends against one of your breasts.
Smash the bookends together as hard as you can. Set up an appointment with the stranger to meet next year and do it again.

YOU ARE NOW TOTALLY PREPARED!

(I got this from a forwarded email ages ago.)

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