The Art of Eating a Perfect (Dunkin Donut) Bran Muffin in 20 minutes

Don’t let the title fool you. This is a full-fledged complaint-type of entry. But first…

Coffee break:

1. Carefully peel off the paper cup from the bottom of the oat-bran muffin, making sure that not a single chunk sticks to the foil.

2. Eat the bottom half first, slowly, until only the crusty muffin top is left.

3. Punctuate each bite with a sip of Cone Zone’s brewed black coffee (best with almond syrup =D).

4. Polish the muffin top off with relish. Repeat #3 until coffee completely disappears.

5. Sit back and enjoy at least one minute of complete silence.

= =

Unfortunately, the above account is far too ideal. In between #1 & 2, two people barged in (without any consideration or whatsoever) and asked a few stupid questions before I managed to swallow anything. I received a supply order request while taking my first sip of #3. And just before I ventured into the best part (#4) a certain bald individual entered, sat, and demanded my full attention while the muffin top sat forlornly beside the keyboard.

By the time I continued the directions, the coffee was cold, and the muffin’s essence seemed diminished. And if you ever watched Seinfeld, as any sane individual with an intelligent sense of humor should, then you should know that muffin continuity is crucial especially when you get to the top(!).

Have I mentioned that my boss is pissed off with me because my home department dropped assignments on my lap that absorbed the first two hours of my working day? She must be imagining that I’m sitting quietly in some other office doing nothing but giggling on the phone. I know there are loads of work to be done. I know I was supposed to be there in the office early but I came at 8am sharp and I always work way later than I’m supposed to. I know that I’ll probably never get to finish 1/4 of what I’m supposed to do by the time 6pm rolls in. And, most of all, I know that everything is so effing URGENT.

That’s what one gets for being nice and generous because I opted to give up my half-hour coffee break in the lounge so I can do a little paperwork in peace while I eat. I could envision myself getting a stroke, a heart attack, or a DVT before age 40. Why not? I’m close to having aneurysm at 22. Haha.

God, is it too much to ask for the multitudes to leave me in peace for a mere 20 minutes?


2 thoughts on “The Art of Eating a Perfect (Dunkin Donut) Bran Muffin in 20 minutes

  1. i would. but some people are so THICK, not even a pointed “i’m having my coffee break–said in the nastiest tone humanly possible–could get them to realize that the world doesn’t revolve around them. =P

    fanks, dia. next time, i’ll just bring a blackjack.

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